I already know I’m an alcoholic. Yet I fear to say it out loud. I don’t want to admit, because you will deprive me of the one thing I feel I need the most. Yet it is killing me, and I know it.

I can see that you see it, even when I try to disguise it. My gift and my curse have always been that I can see what you think, even if it’s about me or about another. I can see when you lust, I can see when you feel sorrow and I can see when you see something that I lie about. I see it, but you don’t call on it. So I lie some more.

Remember when I made a fuss about what seemed like nothing. My friend was over, you behaved like a perfect gentleman, and I fussed. Cause I could see. Her want, your want. Yet neither of you made the other aware. But I could see. It  has always been my gift and my curse.

When I was younger I could tell who wanted me, who wanted to say something, who felt disgust. I could always tell. It never bothered me. Boyfriends ago, it never bothered me.

I can tell when you see me. I can tell when you don’t. I can tell when you hide from me, and I can tell when you don’t even try. I can read you. I can read you better than anyone ever has, no matter how close to you. It hurts me. It makes me love you. It pains me. It makes me a drunk, it makes me want to change.

I don’t think I can until I can make you understand, just how deep in the shit I am. I am in the shit over nothing. And nothings going to change.

I’m an alcoholic.

Jennifer, my guest blogger, is a 20 something artist who loves gulping down the Starbucks coffees. Married with a baby girl, she still finds time to watch those grisly slasher movies she loves. What a trooper!

Me myself, I’m guest blogging over at Allisons blog.

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So here I am blogging on Sour Puss for Bloggerstock. What is Bloggerstock you ask? It’s a group of bloggers who sign up to guest post on eachother’s blogs. Like a mashup or blogring of posts. It promotes us and give each of us an insight into bloggers we’ve never met before and gives us a taste of their writing style. It’s all very awesome.

This month we’re talking about the shit on our desks and the story behind it all. In my case, there’s really no story behind anything on my desk. Well… there is. But it’s not all to interesting. But I’m posting it anyway ’cause I wanna make you suffer my boring life.

So my desk. I love my desk. It’s actually brand new and clean and white. So pretty I also slapped some Hello Kitty wall decals on it to make it look cute and stuff since, well, they didn’t have a Hello Kitty desk and I’m super creative like that. But in the past couple of months everyone else (my son and my husband) have been slowly taking over my desk. You see, I have this corkboard that covers half of the back of the desk. I’ve hung some things there but my son… He discovered my thumbtacks and has been hanging every single drawing he does on it.

I haven’t been able to use my poor corkboard for my own selfish needs since.

But those two aren’t the only ones who have taken over my desk. There’s also my dolls, my brand new tablet, and this little stinker…

This is Pippa (yes, named after a character in Libba Bray’s books). She is my partner in crime. By that I mean she hangs out next to my laptop and goes out with me on photo shoots with the girls. She is a Pinky:St doll I got last year for my birthday. I love the look on her face, don’t you?

So that’s my desk. I have lots more crap on my desk but it’s mostly just… crap. Stuff that sits there and collects dust or stuff that’s sitting there waiting to get thrown out. Oh yea, and my coffee cup collection. I’m kinda lazy about putting cups in the sink right away.

If you’re looking for more to read from more of us, just follow the ring of links on our posts, or find them on the Bloggerstock site. You can find another post for Bloggerstock on my blog by another awesome blogger as well. So enjoy! And see you round the ‘net.